It’s been a bumpy ride since I last checked in. I guess in reality since my last check in, I simply checked out. I lost focus on all that meaning and drive in my world and spent six straight months in a lifeless limbo of pointless misery. I’ve always said that you are the company you keep. No matter who you are or what your ideals are, you are guilty by association. Surrounding myself with unmotivated people that slammed me into a cycle of ease and didn’t require me to maximize my potential in all areas of my life was a casual and almost effortless mistake I could see myself making but couldn’t intervene and control the outcome of. Once again destiny stepped in and saved me, rescuing me from a downward spiral of discontent that would have probably ruined me. I would have disappeared into a soulless abyss and been a vague shell of the greatness I should have been.

Out of the clean wreckage I stumble onto a gem that has the potential to light the darkness in my life immediately. Without any expectations or hopes two people have come together and with the simplicity of having a meal together have unexpectedly changed both people’s futures. It always amazes me how circumstances align when a position crumbles in two completely separate lives at the exact same moment. The consequences of every choice those two people had made living their separate lives apart, never even knowing of each other’s existences, led up to a one chance conversation at the specific moment and with the one casual question “would you like to have dinner?” changed everything. A question that has been asked a million times today to a million other people. However these two people are the focus and the one that is worth noting. Two people sit with no expectations for either one because both had been at their wits end in their own lives for so long. But that’s what was beautiful about it; with that raw and uninhibited realness the true souls of those people was exposed from the first word. No lies, no need for impressing, no cares, just pure and complete honesty from both sides of that table. And then something happened. Those two people felt an instant electricity. A heat radiating between them that started to fill the space around them. The warmth covers the conversation and for the first time since either can remember; they’re having a good time, a wholesome and live moment of happiness despite knowing so little about each other. Then they realize that no matter what they learn about each other, it’ll probably be ok, because they are “in It” in that moment.

I know the past two years my life has seemed like a whirlwind of failed loves and silly relationship games. I try to tell myself to settle down and roll with the punches and let the world place me exactly where I need to be placed and just lead me naturally to where I need to be. I’ve been trying to force it the past two years moving fast for sake of simply not being lonely. Attaching myself to the first thing I find and for some unknown reason holding on to it for more than that brief moment. I am tired of wasting time. I am taking my own advice. I am rolling with it now. But when do you know when that time is right? What if it was almost as quick as the past ones but this time it really is on a whole different level. What’s so different this time is that I wasn’t even lonely when it happened. I was totally at peace with myself and happy where I was. There was literally no pain from the last one at all to try and distract myself from. I was fine coming home and chillin’ and going out with friends again with no agenda. Now I find myself in this situation where I am and it’s different because there was no agenda. It was just two people being as real as two people could ever been with anyone. And we both might be starting to realize we have something unique here. I observe myself with Kim and I find myself breaking my “be a dick to everyone” rules and being powerless to everything she is. She brings out the best parts of me with no effort whatsoever. No words from her, no fronts, no lies, just her being everything that is her. The comfort that both of us have around each other is incredible. It’s almost like we were best friends in another life and now we are back together, each overcoming our own demons that we know we can help each other overcome. So this is where I stand right now. I have no expectations, I of course have hopes, but I can’t push them on her. If we are as good as I think we are together then it’ll be sealed. There won’t need to be hope, it’ll just be. We’ll see…